Dead People Can't Get Married

Pastor JJ: Welcome to Wednesday night service haaaaaaymen. I am thankful to see the faithful here tonight haaaaaaaymen. You are all Baptist haaaaaymen. You lean to the right because you are right haaaaaaymen. I am a Baptist and I am right haaaaaymen. I am so right that when I drive, I never make left turns haaaaaymen. Just ask my wife! You know why I make right turns only? Because if I go left, people will think I am liberal  and that is not happening on my watch glowray!

Crowd:Haaaaaaaaymen. (one minute worth)

Pastor JJ: Turn over in your KJV Bible to 1 Cor 7. I will read:

¹² But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

¹³ And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

¹⁴ For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

Pastor JJ: This weekend a Devil Movie will be out called 50 Shades of Grey. If any Baptist go and watch that movie, I will be led to believe you were never saved in the first place. I can understand non Baptist going. Why? Because they are sinners on their way to a Devil's Hell Haaaaymen! 

Crowd: Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyymeeen.

Pastor JJ: You know dead people can't get married? If you are not saved, then your going to hell. So in essence, if two unsaved folk get married, they are married but they are not. They are in the eyes of the law but not in the eyes of God haaaaaymen. Did God join two atheists?  Heavens no! They are two dead people and dead people cannot get married. Many are married but not married married haaaaymen. The church is the bride of Christ! So if you are not the bride, what are you? DEAD!!!!

Crowd: They go nuts

Pastor JJ: Her children were one time unclean. When did the marriage get sanctified? When did the children become clean? When one became a Bible Believing Baptist Haaaaaymen!!!

Crowd: Glowray!!!!

Pastor JJ: So if he didn't become a Baptist, then the state they would be in today is of a bastardization haaaaymen! Are you a Bastard or a Baptist? Thank God we are all Baptist haaaaymen!

Crowd: Haaaaaymen!! (30 seconds worth)

Pastor JJ: Now how in the world could two bastards be truly marrried? They are not until one becomes a Baptist! If the man becomes a Baptist, then his wife will surely come along and be a Baptist too haaaaymen! P.S. Dont call me Shirley haaaaymen!!!

Crowd: Wondering if he made an Airplane movie reference  but shout haaayamen anyways!!

Pastor JJ: Fried taters and corn bread haaaaymen!

Crowd: Haaaymen!!!

Pastor JJ: Haymen! Glowray. You wait till July when Dr. John the hammer Hamblin gets here. Oh glowray! You are going to get the thunder and the boom haaaaymen!

Crowd: Haaaaaaaymen! (2 minutes of shouts)

Pastor JJ: I am going to leave you with this, when two non Baptist say they are married, I am here to tell you that dog don't hunt haaaaaaaaymen!

Crowd: goes nuts.